4pm on a Sunday
Just things that are on my mind.
I’ve been a part of a tv show project now and it’s been surprisingly fun. I’m with the costume department working with one of the most acclaimed people in the industry - I’ve heard rumors before and didn’t think how much of a big deal this person is, but it’s been absolutely stimulating and humbling to wrap up 2024 this way. This being said, working on a tv show is my first, and I expected the hours and the labor would be tough and indeed it is, so I have thoughts scattered across my brain now but physically don’t have a lot of time to sit down and ponder on about stuff - so this is just going to be scribbles of things. Thanks again if you are someone who enjoys reading my scribbles.
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I was going home from work and got off at Nakameguro station. I’ve walked past what used to be a 100 yen shop and now a yakiniku restaurant that’s open until 2am or something. It’s run by young men, and only men it seems. It’s on a corner and the lights are bright. It has that just opened look to it that I don’t prefer. I like places and things that are rather aged looking, warn out a bit. Somehow I felt upset when I walked past that restaurant. That 100 yen shop was not the best, it was small and disorganized, you can never find much stuff there but it’s been around for years. Whenever I needed a clip for my paperwork or tape or whatever silly things, it was actually a very handy place to swing by. Now it's all gone and it’s a shop where people cook meat in it under fluorescent lighting. Where did that lady go who was always working there?
I’m in a mood to resist change. Why can’t we keep things the way they are? Stop building fucking shopping malls in Shibuya or Harajuku.
I’m probably grieving to see the city I grew up in as an unrecognizable place.
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Neck hygiene. I used this phrase once to someone and they laughed. Probably because it sounds silly. I didn’t come up with the phrase though. Yoga with Adreanne mentioned it in one her YouTube videos before and it stuck with me. Ligaments, neck, thighs, and hips - everything feels stiff. Winter time is maybe when it feels exceptionally so. You get tense because the piercing cold wind is striking. In honor of next year’s goal setting, I’m starting to think of my physical hygiene - not about losing weight but getting back into tennis or doing some hot yoga during the week or something that can take my mind off of work for a couple hours and it’s just about me. I tried to order a foaming roll on Amazon after my boyfriend raved about it and coincidentally seeing it in
newsletter as well on her daily/weekly nonnegotiables but somehow my credit card is not corresponding with my account. Yet another thing I need to sort out in the midst of everything :(*
While I was in the car with the UK team the other day, they mentioned something interesting. “I mean I don’t understand why they didn’t want to order us a cab the other night after dinner. In America or London, almost every restaurant will do that for you. It’s surprising because they are so generous overall but they didn’t want to do that.” It’s funny because the person who mentioned this is in their 70s. A restaurant ordering a cab for you feels very, “having dinner at the four seasons” but still I started to entertain the idea. We are absolutely generous but I think being helpful is a different territory for us. Once we start dipping our toes into being helpful to each other, we interfere with people who we don’t know. If we end up telling someone the wrong way when asked for directions or if we weren’t able to manage calling a cab for someone (which is absolutely insane because it’s just one tap on the app or a phone call) we will disappoint them or worse, walk with the guilt and shame for the rest of the day or week or LIFE! (Exaggerating to make a point here, but you get what I’m getting at) One of our many weaknesses: perfection at all cost.
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At last, this story that everyone was talking about a couple weeks ago from the NYT. “An I.V.F. Mix-Up, a Shocking Discovery and an Unbearable Choice” It’s insane to think that a mix-up can happen, in case it’s not clear, the fertility clinic transferred the wrong embryo to the wrong woman. According to the article, over the past decade, one of the lawyers has represented more than 1,000 plaintiffs accusing clinics and their suppliers of misconduct or negligence, most commonly because embryos in their care have been accidentally lost, damaged or destroyed. 1000 feels like too many. It just feels like this realm of stuff shouldn’t have any mix-up or oopsie moments. Currently, my eggs are in a lab somewhere and obviously my mind keeps going to weird places. What if after all that, they damage it or they lose it? What if they won’t handle my eggs with care? Which frankly, the clinic I went to, I can easily imagine that being the case.
*Side note but an important one; I’m in the process of transferring my eggs to a different clinic because I’ve had a terrible experience with my clinic and I don’t trust them. I think it’s very very very important to trust your gut and act on what you think is best - follow that gut feeling you have with your doctor or clinic. Doctors can make mistakes or be dickheads all the time. Ask the questions you need answers to - if they are being wishy-washy, fuck them. You deserve better.
xx Megumi