But it's still, all worth it
you fall out of love with someone terribly, but at the end you know it was all still worth every bit.
I used to be madly in love with someone - I wrote about him multiple times here. I think it’s a lie if I say that I used to love him because the truth is, if he was right here with me now and we were both at a place where we can be together - I’ll fall for him all over again in a second. My relationship with him was reckless and spontaneous, but it was in the best way possible. I used to miss him every day, but now, I miss him in times when I’m caught off guard - like when I’m on a date with someone and that person yawns, and I want to put my finger in his mouth. He used to do that to me and it was funny, it was our little thing. Probably it was just funny between the two of us, but those are always the best kind of love you have with someone. In the movie Frances Ha, she describes being in a relationship as this;
It’s this secret world that exists right there, unnoticed. * you can see the whole clip here on Instagram that my friend sent me.
That was our world and I craved it every minute.
My close friend recently went through a breakup, a rather bad one if you want to say that. They were together for almost six years, and they lived together for about two years or so. It was a beautiful relationship and a fun one it seemed but of course just like every other relationship, it wasn’t perfect either. Every relationship has a lot of different beginnings and endings, and this one ended in a rather unpleasant way. Albeit, this is completely my opinion observing it from both ends, and it’s always easier to judge another person’s relationship from the outside. I hope people reading this will know that I know that I’m being completely subjective to this whole thing.
The relationship ended in a not so amicable way. I always find that interesting - that as humans we have the urge to end things as friendly as possible. What if we can’t? What if the other person was just terrible and even though you did have all those amazing years together, it’s just not possible to be the bigger one? There was a significant reason why the two people in this particular relationship wanted to end things as nicely as possible. It was because we were all friends with both of them or at least that’s what I thought it was, but perhaps now looking back, it may have been because they wanted to salvage anything and something that could still be left to save between them.
The most painful part about this breakup was that I couldn’t help but watch my friend and project my past relationships and think how terrifyingly disappointing and sad it is to see someone fall out of love with someone out of spite.
Humans are so complicated right? With all these feelings and emotions. How can someone who used to be their favorite person, ends up being their least favorite person? It just doesn’t make sense. They do say, the people close to you can hurt you the most, but it is true. They know every bits of you, your vulnerable parts, your fun and dumb things you do, and all of the above. It’s a very revealing thing to let someone into your world and let them also be apart of it and then the next moment, not be in it anymore. It’s this empty void of vulnerability that is left just right there.
I know that feeling exactly and it’s painful. You want to be the bigger person, to be okay with it all, but the hard cold truth is that you’re not - you are far from being okay with it all. You are angry but at the same time, don’t ever wish that you never met that person. It’s a plight to be a romantic creature.
My friend’s relationship seems like one person wants to keep the relationship as casual as possible but the other wants nothing to do with the other person anymore. It’s up to each relationship of course if you want to keep a friendship there or not, but the truth is, it’s not so easy to become completely platonic with someone who you used to have romantic relations with. At least, that’s how I look at relationships. I know that some people are really good at keeping people in their lives after a breakup and catching up about their lives and even their new relationships. If I’m speaking from experience and seeing my other friends trying to keep a relationship that lingers around for a little too long, the truth is, it does nothing good to one another. You need a lot of practice of empathy and kindness for one another to be fully happy about the other person. It’s not easy - at all. It takes time and it doesn’t happen in a day. You can’t break up with someone and the next day, be happy about their new life adventures. It takes a lot of room of care and selflessness. It’s ridiculously a difficult life lesson that you’ll have to go through on your own.
I used to see Instagram posts about T and his new partner, and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be happy for him or be selfless enough to say, “I’m happy for you.” Fast forward to years now, we don’t follow each other on social media anymore. He blocked me on all the things and it was probably for the best but when I sometimes think about him, I wonder if I can truly be happy about his new life ever. But one thing I can say proudly is that I have such tender love and care for him still that I’m so proud of myself that I can love, or loved someone like that. I can still have a place in my heart for someone like that and cherish it and move on just a little bit from yesterday or a year ago.
This is what I know or at least what I want my friend to know from my experience who seems to be in pain or hurt:
I know that she doesn’t regret any of it, those six long years of being with one person was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. But I also feel her pain that she’s hurting and she will keep hurting for a while. She might remember that person everyday or only, sometimes like I do - like an inner joke or a thing they used to do together on a whim. And when she does remember that person like I do about T, she will have a warm feeling in her heart. She will feel a warm gooey thing in her body one day, that she will always have a beautiful memory and tender love for this person somewhere. She doesn’t even have to look for that feeling because it’s just somehow there like a tiny light in your body. It’s not as critical to a point that it’s the light that keeps you alive, but it’s kind of a bonus light for your daily life. It makes your life just a little bit sweeter. It makes you a kinder and loving person - and I think that’s all just so worth it to fall in love with someone all over again.
This is completely based on my opinion and views. I romanticize many things and I probably have done so with this as well.
Reads
How I Order an Inflation Special I’m kinda into the idea of eating a good meal before going out somewhere so you don’t have to spend a lot of $$$ but…as the author here did mention, it’s not the best way to dine out, it takes out all the experience I think. But, I also agree that this can be a thing.
What Do You Like About Where You Live? 12 Readers Share This made my heart go….awwwwww.
How some people get away with doing nothing at work This sounds pretty…familiar… if I may.
Movie Credit Boredom in Japan by Craig Mod Craig Mod is based in Japan as a writer and photographer, and he writes in details about the unhidden parts of Japan that are left unrecognized - I like his writing a lot and this was fun because I was just at the movies recently!
The Insidious Faux-Feminism of Barbie I watched Barbie!!!! and my god I loved it - but this person seemed to have totally not. I completely understand her argument, but I also think it hit the mark on Feminism and all that jazz.
I don’t see a lot of Substack articles on Twitter but when I saw this on my timeline, I had to click.
wrote about I’m tired of the “Slams Laptop Shut til Monday” posts and oh I loved it. Basically, it’s all just too unoriginal and therefore, we are bored.
Podcast
The Money with Katie Show is such a great finance podcast for all the girlies and this episode with our favorite beauty critique Jessica Defino was really great.
I go on and off with Bad on Paper but this one about Creativity was really inspiring, I love listening to other writers about when they get inspired on writing and stuff.
Can Lizzo survive a harassment lawsuit by Stories of our Times.
This episode with Kristen Bell on Armchair Expert was fab. I love how progressive this family is when it comes to honesty and mental health.
Watch
Hijack - an AppleTV binge watch!!! Played by Idris Elba, such a dream man, it’s really just a classic plane hijack show but I just needed a good binge watch show and this was here to serve.
Painkiller - Netflix limited feature series unraveling the grueling realities on the Opioid crisis America has and the story behind the Sackler family who created OxyContin aka, Oxy. It is so bleak and terrible that big pharma impacted so many families and lives and they essentially still have no consequences for their acts. Profit profit profit…yuk. Another very good binge watch. Side note, I’m just terrified of America’s FDA for approving medication like that till this day? It’s puts a lot of things in perspective like how Japan is very safe when it comes to decision making - probably a little too safe? but now I know that there is never such thing as being too safe.
Thank you for reading this week’s love or not to love :) I appreciate you as always, and you can follow me on Instagram megsgumis or Twitter dolcemegs for some more fun and yum content. (I’m kinda thinking that my newsletter name should be fun and yum) Bisous x Megumi
What a fun surprise to wake up to! Thank you so much for reading my piece and I especially appreciate the shoutout from another practicing writer 🙏🏽