Firm Identity / どこかからか燃える子孫魂みたいなもの
I'm back - probably. Showing around your city, adventurous eaters and finding strong clues
Hello! Thank you thank you thank you for not unsubscribing from this lil newsletter during my absence. I won’t be able to speak in detail, but I’m currently helping out my friend on a project that involves taking certain people and families around the city and showing them around. I just want to reinforce this, but I don’t think ‘I’ll show you around my city!” is meant to be for free. I don’t think even to friends, just saying. Friends don’t have to ‘pay you’ but if someone is showing you around I think offering to buy the coffees, lunch or a nice dinner for that night is a gesture that goes a long way. I just hope that tourism related jobs are being paid fairly (although, I kind of know that that’s not the case). The tourism industry is like exhausted from the overbooked tourists now in Tokyo. It’s funny to see how Japanese people’s face look jaded while they are corresponding with a foreign customer in the day. We are a nation that never show emotions, but I beg to differ if you see any cafe in Shibuya midday. That’s not to say that Japan is not welcoming of tourists, but I can see how the Japanese can also be easily taken advantage of because such a thing as being too nice exists. All this to say, get paid well and get that money while you can. And this is what I have been doing, getting paid, and a whirlwind of schedule that I had no time to write, read, or cook!
“Adventurous eater” gives me the ick
Now you got the gist of what I have been doing the past couple of weeks, aka taking care of foreigners who needs reassurance; don’t do this but this is ok to do. Every time I explore Tokyo and teach someone how to eat or what to eat here, there’s always this thing I get told. “I’m an adventurous eater” as if that’s something that they should receive a medal for. It’s Japan, the most ‘adventurous’ foods people might get served are some types of fish eggs and what have you. Sure, I’m not a fan of shirako but it’s not because I know what it is, I genuinely don’t like the flavor and texture. It’s obviously ok to not like things, but I don’t particularly appreciate the slander or the ew-face that comes along with adventurous foods coming from foreigners. I noticed myself becoming protective of my lineage for food and my people (!!) It sounds silly but somehow I think of the people before me who couldn’t even afford what’s in front of me. It was a luxury to have white rice for my obachan during the war. She had to eat soba all her life. She ended up hating soba and wouldn’t go to a soba place unless the grandchildren or her son took her out to eat. What drives me crazy is the audacity; you love Japan so much but you have the nerve to be picky or be repulsed by a certain food.
Japaneseness is not all of me
As a mixed race baby girl, of course identity is a long lasting debate with myself. I went through a classic, “What am i!” phase but came to a conclusion a couple years ago that it’s probably not that much of a crisis, at least in my case. It’s manageable. There are of course, a lot of takes on identity and I personally come back to Africa Brook’s open letter often that was published in January of 2021 to remind myself that all the things that make me Megumi, there is always something more to it than my hafu-ness or my Japaneseness even. (“Why I’m leaving the cult of wokeness.” ) Of course Brook is making a point that while political discourse was at its peak tension at that time, the straightforward things that make identity easier to explain like race, gender, sexuality and others should not entirely define us. It is a part of us, sure but it’s not the whole of us.
I encourage you to break out of any echo chambers (especially on social media) and explore yourself BEYOND your race, your pronouns, your genitals, your sexuality, your physical capabilities, your politics - those things have their place but there is so much more to you.
but yet, i look for strong clues
While Brook’s take on identity is more refreshing, it is true that I find myself looking for strong clues to prove my Japaneseness, not my American side because I don’t feel particularly attached to the culture so much, probably because I never grew up there in my formative years but to be true Japanese always meant something very important to me in a pool of racially homogeneous society. One of my favorite Japanese essayist, Awa Ito, once wrote this in her entry, “Words” (I wish I knew the source of who said this!)
「ハーフが極端な『日本らしさ』に執着してしまうのはそう珍しいことではない」という話を聞いたのはごく最近のことである。/ I recently heard that it’s not that unusual for hafu’s (mixed race people) to adhere to ‘Japaneseness’.
It was as striking to her as it was to me when I saw this. She and I are similar to the extent that she wanted to master the craft of Japaneseness and thought proud of doing so too while others thought it was a waste of time. Not all hafu’s are diligent enough or care to equally be masterful or study the culture or language. She expands by saying that, for people like us, we are given more than others. The best case scenario is by appreciating both traits and making the most out of it. I know tons of people like that, who go back and forth whimsically between cultures and take the best parts from each end. I can relate to this as well in terms of how I choose culture sometimes to see what suits me best; it’s my prerogative to see what culture feels more right to me in certain situations. But, I do find myself relating and emphasizing to Japanese culture more than the other. It’s what I know and grew up on, but it’s also the one that makes me want to go, ‘pick me pick me!’ where I feel like I need to prove someone.
Acceptance doesn’t matter to me anymore so much. It’s my fight to fight and I don’t project my fragile hafu identity struggles to a whole of society to understand it. Once I learn to find my community, these are just unfortunate details, but not necessarily an inconvenience to my daily life.
Our girlie, Alison Roman famously says this a lot when she uses ethnic ingredients and is accused of representing a whole different culture as a white person; “The sad thing about my cultural background is that I don’t really have one,” (Source, source) I think if white people are as honest as her, they will all admit this out loud. This is true for not just white people, but it’s true for literally everyone. We borrow culture and get inspired by different cultures all the time. Perhaps, the main problem with main stream media and pop culture is that, what becomes popular is mostly by the lens of white people without so much understanding of the other culture and it becomes a murky line between appropriation and appreciation. That’s why for example, Killers Of The Follower Moon was brilliant. Although it was made by a white man, because most history, especially the indigenous people’s are told by white men, this time the movie intentionally questions viewers to think who has been telling history and showing how people who are responsible can take matters in their own hands.
My hafu or my Japaneseness makes me for a lack of a better word, interesting. It’s not entirely me, but it’s certainly an important part of who I am. That’s why I won’t look away when other people (let’s be honest, white people) only love the culture for the sake of it being cool or kawaii. I will get defensive of Japanese culture when it only aesthetically or conceptually pleases them. A country is not mine to gatekeep, but I can’t help but gatekeep particular things and restaurants because I know that it will become mid once it hits your feed, respectfully.
Other Stuff
Each week, I give you some extra things you can read/listen/watch that I consumed and thought was interesting. Here is this week’s edition! If you like this portion of the newsletter, I do a whole section dedicated for it once every month called #juststuff where you can read all the archive here. Enjoy.
3 Reads
A very interesting read that’s similar to today’s topic; “Joshua's Japanese is so Good!” — How Looks Shape Language Perception. Joshua is that guy who is reallllly funny on IG. One of my favorites from him.
After the affair, the reckoning by Modern Love.
The Comfortable Problem of Mid TV “In a seemingly infinite sea of story, how would viewers find shows, and shows get found?” If this isn’t true to most things about things and stuff in life now in 2024.
*as a side note, Sophia Coppola tinted lip balm is a thing now and sure, as of all of us, we are very interested in Coppola’s aesthetics.
3 Substacks
I’ve been really out of the loop on Subby content this past couple of weeks. Please send me links!
- writes and I really loved this piece; “Lessons on Essay Drafting from Edward Hopper” While I was here, I also stumbled upon her beautiful piece on Lithub, how to support a friend through grief.
i enjoyed this piece by
, What is Anne Hathaway trying to tell us? not to mention, I MUST watch The Idea Of You - I don’t see the point in talking about celebrity PR moves and how great she’s good at being a celebrity. I could a bit jaded by the celebrity content for the moment, and I love Anne Helen Petersen’s take on culture, but this one in particular - I just didn’t care so much but I read it because I’ve always been a huge supporter of Anne Hathaway and I never understood the, “oh I don’t like her” people.I wasn’t on real time when the drop happened but I’m aware of the GAP and DÔEN collab - I like it a lot and the price point is great. I own two things from DÔEN but it’s just 2 expensive for maybe what it is.
did a great piece on appreciating vintage GAP, DÔEN't fall into the GAP - did I find a beautiful 100% cotton yellow stripe shirt on mercari!? Yes I did!I have to give a huuuuuge shoutout to my favorite subby
! She is doing a wedding month catalog now, and she recapped her own wedding with delicious photos. No one can imitate this, which I love but the bride maids dresses and her mom’s dress was so so good. Also definitely made her family’s signature cocktail, The Honey Buzz!!!!
That’s it for today! Thank you as always and see you next time :) bisouss
Thank you so much!
Awe thanks for the mention!! ❤️