Here, seats are not assigned
just a quick scribble from America
Hi everyone -
Apologies for leaving this newsletter at bay. I didn’t mean to neglect you or my writing per se, but I just get overwhelmed and it’s difficult for me to focus when shit is happening, you know? But let it be known, children of substack - there was never a time I have forgotten you!
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I’m currently in Portland and oh boy this trip has been a whirlwind of emotions to say the least. My mom and I came here to help out my aunt, my mom’s sister. She’s currently in critical condition and we don’t know how much time she has left. I don’t know how else to put it but she might die soon. Humans are so strong and brittle huh. We are really such a strange kind. I still don’t know actually if this is true or not, but I’ve always heard that when cats are about to take their last breath, they go somewhere in a corner to hide so no one can find them - is this true? Let’s say that it’s true in some form. While a cat is a cat, I can’t imagine a human following the same ritual; why would anyone want to die alone? Seeing my aunt weakened, skin sagging from her arms with little fat on her, all we wanted to do as family was to comfort her around her bed and the couch she sits on reminiscing on old stories and watching YouTube. Mieko Kawakami once said, the ending never shows its face to us. These kinds of endings are weird, especially if some credible doctor tells you that you only have X amount of time left to live, what are you supposed to do with that information? Tick all your list from your bucket list? Well, if you’re too sick like my aunt, you can’t go anywhere. Are you just supposed to wait for the ending in your bed? That doesn’t seem… fair. At the very end of it all, I wonder what we end up craving, needing, wanting? I wonder what I will want.
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I watched Didi at an independent local cinema in Portland the other day. (If you are into a smart, witty, and straight up funny coming of age type of stuff, it’s for you.) The biggest concern I had while I was walking to the cinema that later on made me laugh was, oh boy I wonder which seats I will get assigned. I hope I’m not going to sit by someone loud. Soon after I got the ticket at the counter, I realized that in American movie theaters, you pick your own seats and that was that.
It’s funny how I am completely accustomed to conformity and rules. Growing up in Japan, you get used to that sort of stuff. Don’t be loud in public transportation! Don’t dress in your work out clothes when you are in Omotesado!? Eating an apple in public is kind of weird! Every time I work with foreign clients, they ask “This is rude to do, right?” But in reality, some Japanese people will do it and it’s not completely crazy or you aren’t offending anyone - it’s just not what the majority will think of as Japanese enough. The biggest takeaway so far of my stay in America is that there are just no rules. Of course there are some like you have to lock up your tote bag when entering a thrift store to prevent stealing, or that a tip prompt will come up no matter what and it seems customary that you just gotta tip? (The audacity of the machine to ask me for a tip when the coffee person or whoever was on their phone the whole time or talking to someone else and then asking for more money is really lost on me.) Or that street lights for cars seem to be just a suggestion and people will go even if it’s red. But in most cases, there really aren't a lot of rules that keep people … stressed.
Like you can go to the mall in your pjs with uggs and no one will care, as a lyft driver, you can smoke weed in the car while you take on clients I guess, you can wear your bra as a top if you wanna, dogs can go into shops even when the sign literally says ‘no dogs’ , you can just eat the apple at the grocery store if you are going to pay, if your HOP card didn’t have enough money and you look credible enough, the bus driver can’t be bothered so he will just let you go in. You will think there must be a rule about this sort of stuff but it doesn’t seem to bother the majority of people. None of this inconveniences people. It’s such a relief coming from a country where rules only apply wherever you go. I feel like I’m allowed to catch a break, breath, do whatever and not offend anyone. My guards are down here in a slightly different way than back home. I’m much more aware of my safety here, but I can take my time and space ; I even let people go before me when I’m thinking what to order - “I’m still thinking, you can go.” like a pro! I’m learning to not rush time because everyone here seems to be on the same page. If an order is taking time, they will come to you eventually - they are also taking their time. Sometimes they did forget though so it’s nice to check in with them. Asking questions here is crucial it seems. If your size is not out, they might have a bunch in the back. The waiter forgot our Thai take out order so she just gave it to us for free. Whatever works I guess.
All this to say, rules are sometimes nice to have, Japan is just extreme. It’s a trickle down effect of rules; unless you don’t follow them, people are faced with immense guilt. The extreme rules are also the reason why Japan is clean, safe and everyone is nice etc. Think about it. If you ever visited Japan, you probably have never seen a trash can anywhere. You will have to go inside a conbini but even conbini are strict now if you trash things that weren't purchased there. Sure, logistically speaking, if it’s already a clean street, it’s difficult to trash a single cigarette on the ground as opposed to an already messy street. What’s the difference - right? But there is more to it than that I think. Japanese people are carrying around this intensity of not wanting to ‘lose face’ by doing something ‘wrong.’ Why do you think your wallet or phone will come back to you when you lose it in Japan? People even pick up a $100 bill and bring it to the koban (police station) because they feel too guilty for taking what’s not theirs. Sure, from others this might be beautiful but imagine the emotional and physiological distress you are walking with constantly - to feel like you are watched and evaluated all the time. To do the ‘right’ thing all the time…
“You are running around like a crazy woman!” said a strange man to a woman tirelessly working a breakfast shift. She was the only waiter amongst the entire restaurant, 30 tables or so. She replied power walking away from him to her next table, “Well, I’m glad it’s showing. I’m busy!”
In this country, strangers speak their mind, rules are there as a suggestion and seats are not never assigned.
Other Stuff
Each week, I give you some extra things you can read/listen/watch that I consumed and thought was interesting. Here is this week’s edition! If you like this portion of the newsletter, I do a whole section dedicated for it once every month called #juststuff where you can read all the archive here. Enjoy.
5 Reads (That’s right - it’s 5!)
I Taught the Taylor Swift Class at Harvard. Here’s My Thesis
I miss bookclub… I haven’t been able to attend the one I go to for a while (If you are in Tokyo, @Koenbookclub is the one to go x ) but how celebrity book club actually works
This Dakota Johnson profile was lovely by Bustle.
This Lena Dunham profile on the NewYorker - I really liked too. I just like her as a writer and that’s that.
Living with my husband’s dead wife by The Cut was honest, truthful and I really admire this type of writing. It’s compelling. Some of it is hard to read - but I recommend it.
2 substacks
- writes and I’ve been really enjoying the practical advice.
I’ve been on the hunt for another good bookstore tote - my Ensemble tote from Marseille is pretty sick but I thought I could find one at Powell’s but can’t find one yet.
by was the little inspiration behind it all.
Book
I’m currently reading Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld - and it’s absolute fucking phenomenal. I’m half way in but if you are in a reading rut, this is a good one to pick up and just get into it. If you love reading about writers room, comedy stuff and having a writer protagonist - you’ll love it.
Tunes
Just completely obsessed with Bilmuri! Funny story, my cousin’s wife started to play this song in the car with her kids and she was like, “guys, do you want Megumi to hear your car rock song??” and I was like cute - and it was this. Funny enough I knew this very niche guy through my bf. Apparently my cousin put the family on to him.
Sorry to hear about your aunt - you are doing a very precious thing by spending time with her. <3