the ick I get from the 'Yaaas-girl-getit-girl' stuff.
'get that money girl' thing is cool and all, but also, no pressure babes.
Definition of Girl-Boss: “Girlboss is a term used to describe a woman who is self-made, running their own business, and acting as their own boss.”
In recent media, I see a lot of articles about the end of #Girlboss era, and now we have apparently entered….#girlfailure era. Never heard such thing, but I came across this fascinating article called “All hail the girlfailure” by Roisin Lanigan, and I was left conflicted. I loved, and still do, the idea of girl bossesーthe empowering feel of “let’s prove to men that we can do better than them!” is beautiful. I read and consume most content created BY women, starring mainly women. I support businesses that are built by women. I latch on to women’s ideas more and frankly, I only have girl friends around me.
My life is embodied by the womanhood experience we’ve all been through and how we can support each other in trying times.
I think we all agree on empowerment but apparently, women wanting to see other women fail at things is in need now! If this is in fact, because we are all just normal gals trying to live our lives and we are tired of the narrative of “let’s go kick some ass today folks!”ー I kind of get it. Although, if this is coming from women wanting to see other women fail, because somehow that gives us a type of settling feeling of encouragement, which let’s be honest, I feel like we all been there at some point?ーit does feel wrong.
I’m assuming that *as women*, we came to a consensus that, we can also do fuck all, and not be boss bitches, therefore we want to also see women who are a bit clumsy or inept with social tasks sometimes like us normal people. Wasn’t Carrie Bradshaw literally all about that? Why did so many women openly hated her as a character? It’s because she’s actually kind of a fraction of who we are in life as well isn’t it? (aside from the excessive amount of Jimmy Choo’s and Manolo’s.) Carrie is kind of the most human of all of them. She fucks up a lot, and that’s what we all do too. She could have been the flagship character of #girlfailure.
I feel parishad at the end of the dayーWake up, stretch, make breakfast, go to work, do your job (*better than men, let’s be honest), come home, cook dinner, do your regular skincare routine, and finally make it into bed. If we can all do this, while in between some catcalling here and there, some inappropriate male colleague saying shit about how you look, the male gaze on the train, someone commenting “you look skinny!” or “your make up is different today?” when you just decided to put less makeup onーYeah…I get it. The #Girlboss narrative is exhausting.
I was on the plane a month a go, and I watched “Birds of Pray” starring Margot Robbie. I was so surprised by my reaction after watching the movie. I don’t know why I was so cynical about it, but it gave me the ick the entire time. The ‘Girl team’ and the girls kicking ass stuff was just like…yeah I get it!! we can do shit too!!!!
It was National Women’s day last week, and everyone was posting on social media or sending each other messages saying “I’m so grateful and inspired that you are a part of my life!” “My career is non existent if it isn’t without these women here.*tag a bunch of women*” All of these are fantastic and beautiful. But then again, I felt the ick coming along. The outpouring posts saying ‘To all my boss women out there!” or “To all the fearless women!” I’m not a boss and I’m fearful pretty often. Can’t we just be as we are without being…perhaps more than what we already are?
In one of my pick me up, go-to TV shows I watch often called Motherland, created by Sharon Horgan, there’s this episode when the main character is fed up with women who have it all. She is described as ‘anti-feminist’ because she doesn’t agree that women can multi task between taking care of her children while having a career. Meanwhile, her mom-friend seems to have it all. She has 5 KIDS! (including some step-kids) and she is also a BOSS ASS BITCH! She says, and I paraphrase, “I thought as women, we decided that we can’t have it all!”
I recently had a ridiculous interview with this famous luxury company. (I went because I was financially insecure at the time I was interviewing with them and I thought I needed the job. But now, frankly I don’t care.)
This lady who was the interviewer was potentially going to be my boss. The interview was very disorganized and I hated it already. It has been more than a month since the last interview, but then out of nowhere they emailed me and asked me to come into the office without telling me what the agenda will be. I found it rude and convenient for them but I gave it a shot. I asked her frankly, why it took them more than a month to get back to me. She then said, we actually have filled in the position you were initially interviewing for with someone else. I asked her out of curiosity, who is the other person who they filled the position with. I asked because I was unfamiliar with the luxury industry and I wanted to know, IF…IF I was going to take the position, I wanted to know who I will be working with.
This is where the “oh, she’s much experienced than you and we have high expectations for her” undertone started. My point being, my resume wasn’t #girlbossing enough for my interviewer.
She went on to describing how this other women was like. Graduated a university from America, she has been apart of many companies and she’s very experienced in the work field per se.
This is a job interview at the end of the day. The more qualified person wins, regardless of gender (Is that true?). Of course, I’m the one who asked her who they hired instead, but I felt like I lost in the game of who Girlbossed harder.
After the interview, I felt defeated to be honest. I felt like '“is it ok that I’m freelancing doing whatever in life?” “Am I ok???”
On the flip side, when you girlboss too hard!!! something else happens as well. *AS A WOMEN* , you really can’t get anything right huh?
While I was in the hustle culture at my previous tech company, I had a colleague, who I admit, is very French and very candid with his opinion. I told him I was quitting my job and we were just talking about life.
We then started talking about dating life as well. He mentioned how difficult it must be for one of the managers we both know at the company who is a women because her salary is way higher than the average salary in Japan. Specifically, the men’s salary. He said “I bet it’s difficult for her to find the man she feels satisfied because not many men in this country earns more than her.”
Oooof. We just can’t have it all right? So if we are not #girlbossing enough, you feel like you lost to some other women. But if we are #girlbossing too much, now it might be difficult for us to find a partner? How is any of this helpful to us.
Can’t we have it all? Of course we canーif you have the money and resources, nothing is impossible anymore. Hire a nanny, go to your full time job and get that money and chase the career you wanted. To some extent, we can have it all.
But I also want to stress that it’s fine…completely fine to not be able to multi task everything all the time right? One of my best friends gets overwhelmed when she’s in work mode and she can’t text me back. She profusely apologizes to me always when she doesn’t text me back. I don’t know how to let her know that it’s ok not to be organized and be text savy. That’s not your thing. That’s my thing, but she has other qualities that I don’t have. She has other things that I can never do. I hope she understands that and I wish for her to allow herself some slack.
I am always told that I’m hard on myself. I never cut myself some slack. I now learned how to say, “I need this break for me because I love my self more”. I’m giving myself the dignity to take care of myselfーto do fuck all sometimes. I had to do my taxes this Sunday, but instead, I cleaned my balcony in 3 years, and I go see how shiny it is every morning now and I can’t be more happy.
If you are either #girlbossing it by definition or #girlbossing it in your own way, I respect you and love you either way. Also If you feel overwhelmed by the narrative of women kicking ass, you too can say, “I’m doing my best now and I am enough.”
Just some Japanese companies and friends who are based in Japan that I would love to highlight here on this note💌 Go check them out if you feel like it <3
A proper ACTUAL creative agency Y+L Projects my friend is executing the fuck out of! A bookclub that’s lead by my friend called Koen book club. An online school for people who want to acquire a new skill from wine learning to sex ed, called Be_. A delightful wine bar in Yutenji run by a friend called Déracinés. A wine importer from Tokyo called Crosswines. (A one women show truly) Locale, a beautiful and gorgeous restaurant. This fab body suite brand that’s so luscious looking called rom. A new book launch who is based in Tokyo now called “How Kyoto breaks your heart” (A very cute book.)
I know there are so much more, but I would LOVE to know what all of your favorite women owned brands and stuff are as well :)
Haven’t written one of these feminism rants in a while, but that was a hoot! Thank you for reading, love you all always! Bisouuuu Megumi