The Other One
Oh just so fluffy and crunchy and sweet, just like my cinnamon sugar toast.
One of the few things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now.
By ANNIE DILLARD Write till you Drop
I can’t stop thinking about this passage from Write till you drop by Annie Dillard. Whenever I have a good story, I have a tendency to savor it and keep it - to tell the world now just seems too soon or something. There’s this weird anticipation that it might turn into a better story later on, which is not the case most of the time.
Now, if I think something is a good story, I can’t wait to sit down, open my notebook or my laptop and just start writing. I can’t help myself to let the words flow. Let the characters relive the moments and investigate their feelings through my writing. It’s so thrilling. It’s almost like the feeling when I’m drunk. I feel a bit doozy and become irresponsible a bit. This has been in my draft for over three weeks now, but I couldn’t help but to finish it.
My god it’s delicious. I was entranced by him. It’s like when warm butter meets cinnamon sugar. It’s just so fluffy and crunchy and sweet. All textures and flavors meet at the perfect time.
In last week’s essay, I spoke about August men and their mischief’s if you will. But during this time, I actually met someone, just for one night (terribly unfortunate) that turned into a classic fun and luscious night. One for the books, type of night. I was meeting my Italian friend, who I wrote about here actually, to have some civil drinks. After one paper plane cocktail and Negroni down, he told me that he’s meeting his friends in Shibuya and that they are going out that night. I asked where and he told me the name of the club and I said, “I have never been there and I wanted to go.” He was very chill about me joining the group so I ended up going out with his friend who was traveling Japan for just two weeks and his little brother. Might I add, it was his best friend.
I’ve seen him on social media through my friend’s Instagram and thought he was cute but underestimated how attractive he was in person. I was immediately absorbed by his presence. I was so attracted to him, I was sort of like, “I want to kiss you badly” which is pretty invasive probably to think back. I just met this person, what if he’s not interesting? But lone behold, he was.He was just one of those guys that got me. He was respectfully playful with me and I got a familiar feeling from him - ugh to be stupid with someone while they also get me is my drug.
We arrived at our meeting point, and my first impression of him was, tan and gorgeous. He genuinely had no pours? His skin was so silky and clean - I never noticed a man’s skin before like this. There’s something about a guy who is very attractive who wears a long sleeve shirt. It’s kinda a cool guy move right? We greet each other, Italian style - I say Ciao as if!!! I can speak Italiano. Me no understande Italiano but me also try to speak si? Kissing each other on both sides of the cheeks. For a second, I felt like I was in Italy and not in a mall in Shibuya surrounded by GenZs. He said to me, are you European? Your face is very European. Of course, my heart skips with joy. Whether being European is a compliment or not, being told that by a beautiful man, was pretty nice.
We sat at our dinner table and ordered food and I think it started from here. We both, or at least I knew that I was certain that I was into him but I didn’t know if anything was allowed to happen that night. He was, after all, my friend’s best friend and well…I also slept with the other one last year. (lol) No strings attached yes, but I don’t know if I’ll be ok if my friend slept with the same guy I did, so I was being paranoid. I was taking things too personal perhaps. If I don’t care, why should anyone else care right? Suffice to say, they didn’t care. (lol)
Me and the other one started to banter with each other at the table. I don’t know how it started, but we just out of nowhere got each other’s humor and we couldn’t stop. I fucked around with him and he also fucked around with me. I wish I could remember our conversation during dinner, but it was just jokes after jokes. At some point, he was trying to tie his hair with the rubberband he had and it snapped. I caught that moment and laughed at him and said something like “Hahaha” or whatever. He looked at me with his eyes squinted and annoyed but still with the playfulness. While my friend was sitting right in front of me the whole time, I couldn’t hide the affection I had towards the other one, and I hinted that he may have already caught on that I feel a little bit of something towards the other one too. At this point, I’m sort of anticipating something fun might happen tonight - but I didn’t want to jinx it just yet.
We then headed to one of those small Shibuya alley bars before we headed to the club. We got into a place where there were two American girls who were drinking already. We - or should I say, the boys started chatting them up. I mean they were cute, but my god, Italian men with their friendly-ness is something else. We ended up inviting them to come out with us and they did, which I loved. It made me feel like I was a part of a tourist group in my own city. He and I started talking about wineries. I don’t know how that happened, but he went on to show me some wineries he’s been to in Italy and I was like, Hm, this is the type of shit I like. In another universe, we would have been a great match. Similar interests are nice. I recently went on dates with people who are super into fashion or people who just don’t drink - regardless, we can make it work and have a fun time but it is nice to be able to talk about the same things you both appreciate. Commonalities are comforting. It’s just a little assurance of familiarity.
We went to a conbini before heading to the club. We were just walking along together at this point. I liked that we sort of claimed each other’s positions. We got to the conbini, and I wanted to have a cigarette, so I was smoking outside and he smoked with me. There were a bunch of foreigners at this conbini and some Italians as well. The other one tells me, “You can tell that they are Italian by their fashion and those socks.” He rolls his eyes and laughs. I liked that he had some authority over fashion, as he should. He’s a pattern maker. Then a very loud Italian guy joins the other groups and shouts something in Italian and the other one laughs and he says to me, “He just said, who’s up for some cocaine tonight!!!” (lol) It all suddenly just became a very Italian midsummer night and I was already inebriated by it.
We got into the club and things became apparent from there. I knew that something was going to happen, or at least I was very adamant to have something to happen. I wanted to kiss him badly (as stated earlier),but the night just began. The club was pretty empty but we started dancing because well, I guess we’re just two people who wanted to dance. I loved that about him so much. While most men just tend to sit around or stand in the back of the club observing, he went on to dance. I loved it so very much that he was that type of person. Here to live another night. He then did something that was a cue to what may happen that night. He took my hand and started dancing with me. I swirled around him like a little princess with my tiny tunic dress, and I was convinced he liked me too. We took shots after shots, it was just like I’m tagging along their holiday in Tokyo. After I took one shot, I sipped on my chaser, and looked at him, and he looked at me like I wasn’t supposed to do that. Cheeky kids in the club - everyone is there but they can’t see us. At that point, there was just a language we only spoke.
We were only there for a short amount of time because we didn’t like the music. We headed to a bigger club, which ended up being my worst nightmare, but the way we got into the club, made me feel like I was 22 again. Cutting the long cue because my friend spoke French and he chatted with the security guy and let us in. It was just pure status showoff stuff and I frankly loved it. I was waiting in line just in case while the others were talking with the security guy, but the other one came to find me and gestured at me, “Come here.”
In the club that was too crowded, we each did our own thing but at some point, when we needed to get out of the crowds of people, he took my hand. When we saw his friend, we didn’t hold hands, but when he was out of sight, we did. I still honestly felt a little weird about it, but the secrecy and will we, will we not thing made it extremely irresistible. I was in too deep at this point. I found him too attractive - everything. How he presents himself and the confidence that follows him and the love and respect he has to others was just more than good enough.
We then decided as a group to go back to the first club and call it a night. We got back and some of us danced and some of us just sat around. He of course, headed to the dance floor - praise lord for his beautiful soul. It’s just so lovely to see grownups dance. It’s attractive to not care about what people think. Then, my friend said that he’s heading home. We said goodbye and it was now, me and his little brother and him. I went to the dance floor with him and then probably within two minutes of the friend leaving, he brought me close to him and he kissed me. It was a much much, much anticipated kiss. I actually laughed when we kissed and he kept asking me why I’m laughing. I just found it a bit comical that I’m *finally* kissing someone that I really wanted to from the beginning. I was also very aware that his little brother was still there, and minutes after we started to make out in the club, his brother came up to us and said he’s leaving too. The kiss was also, very tongue-y…if I was in the crowd watching us kiss, I'd probably get horny myself. Everything was just a bit funny.
We headed back to my apartment and had one of the best sex I had this year. There was a reoccuring theme that night, which was anticipation. When you both know you want it, but you can’t yet confirm it, is probably one of the most hot moves in the dating book. It was just two bodies that wanted to undress each other the whole night but the night was too young to allow it, just yet. There were many things that I liked about him but one thing that stood out was how attention oriented he was and observant as well. He came into my house and saw the paintings I’ve done in the hallway and some comments. He sat on the couch and said, “Your house is big. It’s not like a Japanese house.” The next morning, we talked about perfume, and we bonded over a scent that smells good on women. I was secretly happy that he liked one of the perfumes I had. I’ve had many men who come into my house and mention nothing. Disinterest is very unattractive to me.
The next morning, we woke up late and just lied in bed. We talked about what kind of pasta we like (because you know, I ask men I like that question.) We watched a pasta video and I asked about his job. He showed me videos of him using a sewing machine and my heart skipped a beat in no other way I could explain. I felt a strong need for him to fix something in my life. I felt like with his tenderness and kindness, my life might get just a bit more tender. I asked him which tattoos were his favorite ones, (again, shit I ask) and he said probably this one, pointing at his sewing machine tattoo. I love tracing my fingers along someone’s body and unpeeling their personalities. It’s so revealing and personal - I get high on that sort of stuff.
We said goodbye with a few kisses and just like that, he left. I sent him the pasta I made for myself that day that he likes to eat. Tomatoes, basil, garlic, and mozzarella. He said, “It looks so good. You are good, I saw your dishes.” I think he just saw my food account. Then I realized a feeling in me that shifted from the past. I usually will take this a step further and think, this must mean something!!! I didn’t take a moment and appreciate the simplest time and coincidence that I was able to meet someone so beautiful, literally and figuratively in this case and have a respite from the high I just went through.
My intentions about men and people in general are different now. I still of course fantasize that grand gesture romantic stuff, but I also confidently think that if I interact with people with the confident love and respect, I’ll also receive that from others as well. This might not even sound like me, but everything doesn’t always have to mean something grand. I just really like that he can say that he saw my “dishes.” I find that curiosity endearing and loving - and perhaps it just doesn’t have to be more than what it is. I learned so much from the other one - really. His cadence of living life was soft and - tender. He truly reminded me how I wanted to be treated and how I should treat people. Isn’t it nice to just simply enjoy each other as people, and be wildly enticed by them, no?
This Week’s Recommendations In One Paragraph
*the essay was LONG and I honestly feel like a heavy essay once a week is a lot to consume even from the readers perspective so I’m cutting down my rec list this week!
Just read an essay by
by , on living alone and it reminded me why I love living alone so I can watch Veep on repeat without being judged. I've loved this look into every side of having a child and not. A very relatable fashion statement here. Not on sale but complete eyeing this rain coat from everlane. (why are rain coats insufferably hard to find?) full moon entry…I mean, the way I’m sending this to the group chat is wild. After watching Depp v.s. Heard, I had to listen to Michael Hobbes podcast on it, and how this trial’s misinformation was so uncomfortable to even watch to unfold.Thank you for reading this week’s love or not to love :) I appreciate you as always, and you can follow me on Instagram megsgumis or Twitter dolcemegs for some more fun and yum content. Bisous x Megumi