why is quitting so hard (for me)
a life after quitting my job.... is there such thing? (the answer is yes but you have to read the whole thing in how I got there)
Hello hello! This week in Japan, we are all mostly on a week long holiday called Golden Week, so last Friday I slacked! Sorry About that.
This week’s essay is inspired by a podcast I listened to (I listed it to the rec as well), by The Cut about quitting your job. Things can stick with you when you are going through something exactly what people are talking about, I have been wanting to quit for a while now from my current job. I initially set a timeline that I’m quitting within 2021… I even told my friends when we all went on my birthday trip when I turned 29. But here I am, still at the same company, same position and thinking when to make ‘the move’. I don’t know why for some it’s like ‘I’m quitting!’ and the next day they quit, and for some like me, I make a whole plan of when I’m leaving, how I’m leaving and what I already have in line for the next job. There is such a huge difference in how people ‘prepare’ to leave a job. Of course, circumstances matter. Let’s not forget that. I must acknowledge that I am privileged enough that I can think about quitting is even an option for me. Even at the most privileged level I am at, and I can think about not to have a job lined up immediately and take a month-2moths off and live perfectly fine. But yet, I still have this intense fear and anxiety that when should this ‘big move’ happen. Some of you may say, then don’t leave if it gives you so much anxiety. Honestly..? you know when it’s too late? It’s the exact same feeling we are all familiar with I think. When you already feel that ick-ness or a pit in your stomach, you know you need to change something. For at least 6+months now, I’ve been so out of touch with what I do, I can’t find any purpose or passion in my job anymore. I know that not anyone can have that when they work, but I used to have that sense of purpose at least. Working in tech, made me feel like I was apart of something good for a while… but now, since I work in advertising and the cultural shift is all about, supporting businesses that you care about organically, and not forced, I feel defeated thinking and pitching forced marketing ideas to clients. I kinda led this dreadful feeling of ‘I really don’t enjoy what I do’ for far too long, I can’t take my thoughts back anymore.
There was a story in this podcast that I was fascinated by, it was Charles’s experiences in quitting jobs. ‘Quitting a job isn’t an existential crisis’ he says. He also goes on and says, ‘we tell ourselves these fictional stories, that our jobs from the past to current to future is a linear relationship. Ultimately our job must mean something at the end of our lives. A job is really never who we truly are.’ and concludes, ‘I believe in having a life after a job’. I have one particular friend that comes to mind that her jobs doesn’t necessarily have linear relationships. She used to work at a start up that required to interact with many foreigners, then I think she started joining a bit of the restaurant and alcohol business because she was passionate about that, then she started to move into the creative industry a bit, and now she fully works tirelessly in the film industry. When you think of it by ‘industry cut’, it really doesn’t seem like she had a so called aligned or this linear sense of career path I guess. However, what is so aspiring and I’m if anything jealous of is that, she always loves what she does. Even for Charles, he had many passions in life so evidently he started many new jobs, for my friend it’s the same idea. No matter what kind of job she is doing, she makes it ‘work’ or even if she doesn’t have to ‘make it work’, she seems so fucking happy and believes in what she does. I don’t have that anymore and I wish I did.
On contrary, the majority of my ‘career friends’, (career friends as in, I met them during my time at my past and current company, and I won’t hang out with them outside of my job) their job defines who they are. This to me gives me that ick feeling and a huge disconnect between me and them. I want to make my stand point clear here, I don’t think loving your job and being defined by your job is not the same thing. This reminds me of this article a friend send me a year ago, A profession is not a personality. In Essence, the article mentions something so interesting that I understood so much looking around that my ‘career friends’ who tend to define themselves with their jobs, self-objectifies professionally. Just like in everyday life how we self-objectify our physical looks, we apparently do the same professionally.
Love and fun are sacrificed for another day of work, in search of a positive internal answer to the question “Am I successful yet?” We become simulacra of real people.
In the article, it also says the same thing that ‘your career or job should be an extension of you, not visa versa’ and if you feel like work is defining you, it gives a couple tips on how not to let that happen. In one of them, it says ‘make friends who don’t see you as a professional object’. When I read this, it all clicked to me why I felt that ick and discomfort of being around my ‘career friends'. They don’t hang out with any other people outside of their job and that made me used to feel like, should I be apart of this? I feel left out a bit, should I join more of them and I should be more enthusiastic about work? But I get it. My ‘career friends’ or coworkers I speak to, mostly have a tight knit circle of friends and I get so uncomfortable just talking about work. It’s not fun or stimulating at all. When I speak to them, I think to myself, I’m definitely more than my work.
Now if I’m able to identify myself that I can give more as a person than my work abilities, and I am not simply happy at work, why can’t I quit? I haven’t done much quitting in my life, that’s just been me. To have and end to things means that I need to start something new, and I know that that sounds exciting to most, but to me for now…. it sounds fucking terrifying. But I don’t know which is more scarier? To stay at the job I honestly have no desire in keep going? or to start something new and see where it will take me? The uncertainty gives me chills. Not the good ones, but the bad ones. I don’t like to be uncertain about things. I sometimes say that I’m such a bad planner during traveling, yes I don’t map out all the places I want to go before hand, but there is never a time I was stranded in the city with nowhere to go, or a ticket not booked. I am always prepared. I don’t even know what I should be preparing myself for if I quit. The control freak that I am, it seems like I can’t control anything with my career and it really is giving me a mental toll that I have never experienced in my life. I guess… as much as my next step in my career is not mapped out at all, what I learned listening to people’s stories, no one seemed to have died once they quit their job and it seems like life went on after their job, so maybe once again, I’m overthinking this thing all over and just ‘believe’ in where life takes me? Thoughts?
🏝Cultural Recommendations of the week 🏝
Reads📗
young women are self-diagnosing personality disorders, thanks to
TikTok
let me just say, I literally subscribe 1000yen per month because of Dolly’s dating column. Let me just put this here.
Please don’t see first-date sex as any sort of personal defeat. And don’t see waiting to have sex as a politicised choice. Sex isn’t a test. Bodies aren’t prizes. Sex is a collaborative act, the dynamics of which will feel different with every person. My parting advice is to get rid of any rule book and do what feels good.
Podcasts🎤
The Cut ‘You should Probably quit’
This was…. probably one of those podcasts that is going to stick with me for a while. They interview a couple who have recently quit their jobs or had before, and what they felt like after doing so, and one person in particular who was a ‘serial quitter’ I guess, the person had SO MANY passions in life, essentially that meant that he had applied for so many jobs but also quit A LOT. The host herself as well, is the same as I am, which was stability is important for her. She had Esther Perel on the show as well, and she said, ‘do not ignore that feeling of stability. It’s important for you for a reason’ I mean, there is just LOADS of good take aways, I highly recommend to have a listen to it. (while you are at it, you should listen to the next Ep; You’re hired )
How to fail with Elizabeth Day Ep; Brene brown.
let me just leave a quote that is going to stick with me for a while and I’ll think about it at least once every week now.
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love both me and you.
For someone who is a chronic suffer of boundaries, that was beautiful.
News Not Noise Ep: Digital Community with friends with benefit’s Alex Zhang
Go to Jessica Yellin for NEWS! I’m not joking. She tells everything in the most eloquent and easy way to understand every day current affairs.
The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett Ep Gymshark How I built a $1.5billion business at 19
Tunes 🎷(a whole album rec)
Awich Album ‘Queendom’
now Finally!! I’m able to recommend this album. Holly Molly. So Awich is one of the most famous female rappers in Japan. She’s from Okinawa, had a child very young, and she’s still 33? and she’s being a fucking boss MOM while being the most BOSS BITCH in the game. Her new album was release in April. I heard a couple of her songs before, but lyrically never thought about her too much. But this time…. fuck. She is so powerful, she knows what she wants, she knows her past present future and is able to speak on them, and it is just so beautiful. Remember like when WAP by Cardi B came out and everyone was so into it? Well, she kinda has a similar song on the album called ‘口に出して’ This means, literally ‘say it out loud’ but also with different context, it means ‘cum in my mouth’ I know it’s a lot for some, but it’s a play on this sexual way of saying something but the thing is just say what you mean, mean what you say type of message. If you see her Youtube comments, there are some men commenting but literally none of it is gross sexual stuff. It’s all just commenting on how powerful and cool she is. I love her so much right now. (My favorite song is wheU@)
Thank you for reading this week’s love or not to love! I may or may not take another break on Friday depending on what I feel like! To my Japanese friends, have a great rest of golden week.
Megumi xx