You are always making a choice
to making radical choices
I started doing a 30 day yoga challenge at home. It’s nice to get back into a flow and add another morning routine that is a very sacred time for me, I need at least 30 minutes before I see any screens necessary once I wake up. These YouTube yoga challenges will always start with a prompt or an intention and a recent one was CHOOSE.
What do you choose today?
As I float around with this word while making my morning coffee, I think of my daily intentions regarding choice; I choose to make my day productive and meaningful. As a freelancer, I have jobs that are mostly fun and inspirational but I also have jobs that I have to do for the sake of living as well. And sometimes those jobs are mundane and it gives little stimulation. I wanted to set a tone that day that it was going to be purposeful if I choose to let it be. Once my intentions were set, the word choice was buzzing around in my head like a song I can’t stop humming.
So many choices are made constantly and I too have made so many choices throughout my life. How would I ever know any of the choices I’ve made are the right ones? The thing about making a decision is that you don’t know if that was ultimately what you wanted after the fact. In a recent buzzing Economist article, “Japanese men have an identity crisis” was an interesting read. “60% of Japanese men feel awkward at work because of pressure to behave in a manly way.” I’m not going to deny that we have a problem in this country where men are incapable of being vulnerable, to show emotions are not rooted in our culture. But I won’t go to say that they feel disempowered by that as well. I also don’t believe both Japanese men and women experience a lot of identity crisis as a whole. I feel like many people would go about life without questioning those important question. Perhaps the more interesting question here is, out of so many things to choose from, why did they decide to choose the “traditional” lifestyle that ultimately leads them have an identity crisis.
Apparently we make on average 35,000 decisions each day(!!!!) From small things like what to eat, wear, where to go, what to say and big things like should I move cities, should I break up with this guy? Should I delete Bumble (it’s a BIG decision OK?) Remember when the word ‘decision fatigue’ was buzzing around during Covid? I still use that word when I have been making boss lady decisions all day, and I need to decide a place to eat dinner with friendsー like can someone else think of a place? (I’m only slightly joking here because I love to make dinner plans you know.)
I do hate to bring it to this, but yes, WOMEN are faced with myriads of choices everyday too. Men too but women have much more to decide on, if you ask me. (Who’s counting? we all are honey!) Should you get married? Should you take that job that will take you across the country and break up with your bf? Should you choose a raise with high demand over your child? Should you be child-free or opt in for motherhood? (
on makes a good point that we are in fact, actually just not opting out of motherhood. ) Should you get botox? Should you travel the world before “settling down”? Should you get a divorce because you think it’s the worst thing that could happen to your kid? Should you get an abortion when the pregnancy was unexpected? What about your career? Should you just take a beat and take care of yourself first from ??Let’s be clear, all of these choices are far from a simple pro-cons list, well maybe for botox, you can have a good think on that one and decide for yourself, but women are assailed with choices constantly. And let’s be honest, most women who are reading this have the privilege to choose that ultimately can make us feel paralyzed even. What’s next? Too many tulip colors to choose from to bring back home from a flower shopー I can relate.
Here’s an oldie but a goodie example of when a film taught us what it means to have a choice; career, friends and relationships. “Devil Wears Prada” has a great last scene on this concept of choice. Andy(Anne Hatheaway) and Miranda (Meryl Streep) are in the car together headed to an event after Miranda backstabbed her trusting colleague(Stanley Tucci!!) to save her own ass. Andy thought that she would never be able to do what Miranda did to him, but then Miranda told Andy that she did it already with Emily. Then this conversation happened.
Andy : “No, no that was different. I didn’t have a choice.”
Miranda: “Oh no you choose. You Choose to get ahead. You want this life, those choices are necessary.”
Andy: “But what if…this isn’t…what I want? I mean what if I don’t want to live the way you live?”
Miranda: “Don’t be ridiculous Andrea. Everyone wants this. Everybody wants to be us.”
〜crescendo music〜!!!!!!
(Gives me the chills every time!!!!)
It’s a poignant but yet crucial moment for many women. Andy, who thought she would never be capable of being that sort of person, ended up being the person she despised. This is when you realize, regardless of how nice of a person you were, every choice you make has consequences. It’s not just a whatever choice, but it’s supposedly a radical one. It ultimately does end up meaning something, that you are standing for something meaningful by making the choice. To focus on your career, to not getting married, to wanting a traditional lifestyle, to be child-free, to be a mother, to not be a mother or a wife ー everything is a radical choice we are making. As Monica Ainley in Vogue put it plainly, “I have always subscribed to the idea that feminism, in its purest form, is about choice.”
We get caught up in the noise sometimes and forget that feminism is about choice and to support other women who choose that life. But also to step further into a more meaningful change, as
puts it, feminism is a “political movement toward collective liberation” .When we see women like #tradwife on Tiktok, even when you understand that it’s just another trend on the internet, it’s hard for us to not ‘overthink’ it. Of course it gives me the absolute ICK, seeing women leisurely submitting to men on screen (also the reason why most Japanese women give me the ick because they do it in real life willingly). But in retrospect, traditional wives are all over the country and world and it’s actual people’s lives still. Nothing about their lifestyle surprises me. However, I find myself watching the videos with my eyes squinting and shouting into my screen, WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE NOT TO BE LIBERATED FROM MEN? It feels anti-feminist but in reality as a whole, perhaps it’s not so much of a threat to society. Again, it’s ‘just’ a internet trend, right? (Worth mentioned this article by Kathryn Jezer-Morton in The Cut )
*
It might sound tiresome to always stand for something, to always be an advocate of a political campaign as a picketing activist. Do I think it’s necessary to choose to be radical, to stand for something you feel strongly about? (Even to the degree of toasting a bagel or not toasting!) I do, because we have to make a choice everyday and to preserve the right to choose feels very very important now and moving forward.
Other Stuff
Each week, I give you some extra things you can read/listen/watch that I consumed and thought was interesting. Here is this week’s edition! If you like this portion of the newsletter, I do a whole section dedicated for it once every month called #juststuff where you can read all the archive here. Enjoy.
Reads
I have to share it for the sake for sharing, but this Emily Gould essay on The Cut has been on my mind for weeks now. “The Lure of Divorce” I’m sure many people have already read it, but the divisiveness it took the internet and my initial reaction I had towards is, is worth a deep dive I think. What did you guys think? Mostly I hear really great things about it in how honest it was and how she ‘went there’ by writing the things you normally can’t say out loud, but it made me think very hard on women’s likability in writing and in any kind of space really.
Then, I looked up a few things on likability and of course! Why do we still have a problem with “unlikeable” female characters? was very interesting, I ended up watching an episode of Not Okay. Our beloved
wrote about it on Buzzfeed in 2014. A very very interesting read if you ask me.Why is likability even a question? Why are we so concerned with, whether in fact or fiction, someone is likable? Unlikable is a fluid designation that can be applied to any character who doesn't behave in a way the reader finds palatable. Lionel Shriver notes in an essay for The Financial Times, "This 'liking' business has two components: moral approval and affection." We need characters to be lovable while doing right.
Trad wife!! I’m currently obsessed! This piece on British Vogue where a woman tried to be trad wife for a week and then The Cut argument too mentioned in today’s essay. To my point above, I really don’t think it’s a threat on feminism, it’s just content on a little corner of the internet ー I guess that’s what we hope!
Gabriella Karefa-Johnson’s NYT profile. We love to see it! I love that she’s going to name her book, “Not a fashion person” !!!!!
I just discovered
Welcome to the Shoppy Shop Why does every store suddenly look the same? and read this piece by her. Very convinced to subscribe to yet another interesting newsletter!For some deep dive on this week’s essay, I re-read
“I dress sexy for other people, and so do you” It always hits hard.
Listen
-This episode with Bradley Cooper was buzzing around because he called his daughter “it” many times… errr I liked the honest conversation as the cohost Monica mentions as well, but what do we think?
-I think I saw this rec on
and when I saw that it’s the creator who made the “Sweet bobby” series, I was immediately SOLD. Also, I was following this trial like many of us, and I couldn’t believe despite all of the evidence, Amber Herd’s voice was not heard. It’s such a fascinating listen and as always, when it comes to this topic, I highly recommend reading The Bleak Spectacle of the Amber Heard-Johnny Depp Trial-from
, I saw this podcast being recommended and I really enjoy it so far. I especially loved the episode with Ami Cole’s founder Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye interview. I really need to get my hands on that lip treatment!!!Watch
Mr&Mrs Smith (On Amazon Prime)
I mean holly shit… I show that I can’t stop talking about. I know I’m sort of late to the game, but consider this your sign to watch it if you haven’t. We knew that Donald Glover is hawt hawt, but did we know that Maya Erskine is hawt hawt too??? A dynamic power couple I would LOVE to see offscreen to be real as well.
Poor things
I watched in the theaters a couple weeks ago, and oh it was GOOD. Too many good lines to quote from but just know, you might want to do ‘furious jumping’ after watching the film, or not!! The costumes were truly AMAZING. I would definitely wear anything from the Lisbon scene. THANK GOD the costume designer won the Oscars for best costume design!! At least they got one thing right…
Thank you for reading this week’s love or not to love :) I appreciate you as always, and you can follow me on Instagram megsgumis for some more fun and yum content. As always Bisous x Megumi
Thank you for the shoutout!