Just a heads up. The context of this essay might sound inappropriate to some considering what is happening in Israel-Palestine conflict - or if anything a genocide attack on Gaza. I’m aware that talking about luck when children and bloodlines of families are being wiped out, might not seem the best thing to do now. I really have not much to say more than that, but once things our there it can be interpreted as whatever so I just wanted to say that I’m aware. The purpose of this newsletter is to process small/big feelings together. Although my influence is tiny, I hope I can provoke something in your life today. by had some great resources - Food, Wine, and Palestine is worth the read.
I write this as the sun hits my back and a Korean dog I can’t pronounce correctly sitting right next to me sleeping. I look to my right and there’s a bouquet of freshly picked flowers from the garden - I think they were called 100 leaf flowers or something like that because the flowers actually last for 100 days. The house smells like incense that was burned this morning because my friend’s mom meditates every morning at 5:30am. There’s no sound around me, just the dog snoring and me typing. It’s a surreal experience because I’m probably having the most calm collected morning than anyone back home. Everything feels and looks different. Even the coffee I brought from Tokyo tastes extra…tasteful. I feel more awake with it. Things look brighter too. Something is in the air, is what they say. I don’t know who will actually say that, but I too, agree with that sentiment for now.
I’ve been thinking about luck these days and how my life has been affected? effected? with luck. There were times where I was like luck is not on my side and times like now, where I feel extremely lucky. I don’t think though, that I’m one of those extremely lucky people that luck sticks around them all the time. I once heard on a podcast that someone doesn’t believe in luck. She thinks that everything is not about luck, but it’s more so how about you were able to bring that into fruition on your own. Nothing is by luck, it’s all calculated essentially. I agree to some extent but sometimes when I look back at my life when critical decisions were made, I’m like…nah…it had to be luck.
*
I traveled around Europe for the first time alone as a backpacker when I was 22 years old. Something did happen that can’t shared here for now, but other than that thing, I feel like most of it was smooth sailing. I wrote about the first kiss I had in the #UnPublished, but that was in Europe. It wasn’t a great kiss, but it signified my first ever sexual awakening sort of. A lot of things could have gone wrong probably, but I really did a good job exploring different countries, safely and enjoyingly. I think a lot of things could have gone wrong during that trip, but again, aside from one thing, not much happened.
*
When I got my first job, that’s when I also think that I was probably lucky. When I started working at my first adult job and I did shukatsu, a Japanese job hunting process that is incomparable to other countries where you religiously applied to a bunch of companies for the span of 2 months or so, you just take interviews after interviews, it’s grueling to say the least and unproductive. Looking back at it now, I honestly feel like I was lucky. I applied at the right time and I was interviewed by the right people who happened to like me. I never felt like I didn't belong there, it did feel like I earned it, but the thing is, I didn’t apply for other jobs other than that one - and by the time I knew it, I kinda just got it. Shukatsu is brutal. Some people apply for 20 jobs and won’t get any responses and for a 22 year old, that’s pretty detrimental I feel. I really felt lucky with that job.
*
But then, there’s this other side of the coin when I don’t feel lucky. I think I could have done better with friendships when I was younger or I could have had a more international friend group considering my bilingual abilities and other things considered. I see my other friends around me now and hear their stories and what they have done when they were young, and I think, oh I haven’t done that. I was sort of wasting my years at a tennis circle. (A tennis club I guess, but it was just a bunch of immature people drinking cheap alcohol in Shinjuku every day.) I had a relatively close minded group of friends, and I can’t believe that they were the people I mostly hang out with. I think of myself as a much more of a well cultured person now and have lots of interest, I’m like what did we even talk anyways? It’s funny that I often think that “I could have done better” with my friends. Is that a little rude to my friends I used to have? It’s not that I think I’m better than them. It’s just that I truly don’t think we had anything in common. The person I was back then is so different from now, I just don’t see myself hanging out with the people I used to.
*
Then, I can’t leave out my dating life. I often felt like I was unfortunate when it came to dating. It probably relates to the group of people I was hanging out with as well, but I just never met anyone that was credible and kind enough in my 20s. I had a lot of crushes here and there, but they were…well terrible people. lol But as my friends started to date their first boyfriends and got married, I saw that it was just not happening to me and I didn’t know why I was so…unlucky. Dating, I thought I was really unlucky. I met some cool people here and there, but the majority of the time, I was mostly heartbroken. I was chronically ill from being heartbroken too many times, that I did cry myself to sleep often and thought selfishly, why the fuck can that person find someone, and I can’t?
But the flip side of being so unlucky with my dating life is this; when something really fucking good happens (like sort of now) once in a while, it feels too good to be true and I can’t stop smiling about it. I become a teenager who just discovered what a crush is. It really is like, ‘butterflies in your stomach’ feeling. So when good stuff in my dating life happens, I do feel like, ok, maybe it is luck and it’s something that I literally can’t control. I can control other things like how I want to be in my career life and finances, but I probably can’t control who I meet and when I meet them - so when something nice happens, it feels like luck and I want to believe in it.
*
Lucky people also expect good fortune and turn lousy experiences to good. “They tend to be — surprise surprise — optimists, and they’re also very resilient to bad things that happen,” Wiseman said.
From the Washington Post. “Is luck real, and can you change yours? It’s complicated.”
When I read this, I thought, ok I’m pretty optimistic in general but I’m also very cautious and responsible that this doesn’t sound familiar. I have all things combined at once so I’m never like, “Oops! Well that was shit, moving on!” I do ponder on it for a while and I punish myself when something doesn't go well because it was my fault. As I said earlier, I don’t think I’m a lucky person that only good things happen to me. I had a lot of bad things happen to me as well, and this isn’t woe is me. Although, I did have the financial support from my parents throughout and I was able to do a lot of things when I was young because of that, I did have my fair share of doing shit on my own without relying on anyone. I was and am independent for 10 years now and I’m proud of myself for that.
I think though, being not lucky the entire time of my life was a good thing. Because if I was, knowing myself, I would be too comfortable in where I am, I won’t challenge myself. I won’t see what’s on the other side of the world. Thanks to?? the things that were unfortunate that happened to me in between, I had the urge to want to change the future for myself. A lot of cliche words thrown around in this essay but cliche words are cliche for a reason, “putting matters in your own hands”, if I may. Lucky people could be resilient to bad things happening, but I also think they tend to take a lot of things for granted and they won’t explore outside of it. It’s like, oh well, that didn’t work out but I’m sure something good will happen tomorrow.
Luckily, I had both tastes in life and I love to be on this ship that gives me both.
Other Stuff
Each week, I give you some extra things you can read/listen/watch that I consumed and thought was interesting. Here is this week’s edition! If you like this portion of the newsletter, I do a whole section dedicated for it once every month called #juststuff where you can read all the archive here. Enjoy.
*This week’s recommendations are going to run a little short since I’m out of town, but here are some inspo that could spark your life a bit.
Reads
-This entry by
The good stuff, was a really nice surprise in my inbox this week. A beauty emergency! A vocabulary that will be used often.-Just like all the other Substack writers, I really enjoyed this
“Writing is not about the routine” piece. I love this prompt;What does your creative flow feel like? Does it have a colour/consistency/taste?
-I just stumbled upon this substack by
and he has a newsletter called . (first of all, I’m always astonished with brilliant names on here!!). This one about him being in Budapest was so good, I immediately subscribed. I swear, writing is so precious because some people can’t be so articulate. But, if you are writer, a good one that is, the mundane life things becomes just so much more juicier. That’s what I aspire to become.-On pet loss by
Read It, Don't Weep. I particularly enjoyed the tarot card of the week, Eight of Swords and the urge to choose a different path.-Wait…a bunch of travel photo with some insightful and witty newsletter?! Sign me up!!
has a Substack called(Accidentally, all my recommendation has become Subtacks…but probably for the best really!)
Here’ s a little screen grab I got from Instagram stories. Say the things you love out loud. You’ll be dead by the time you don’t know it.
Podcasts
is often a guest on a lot of podcasts, so I listen to them a lot, but if you think you are trapped into a cycle of beauty habits you don’t need to $ anymore, well you probably are and you should rethink/reframe the habits from her perspective. It’s educational, to say the least.Gillian Anderson for president! We love a women who is in charge of her life and this was a brilliant listen.
Thank you for reading this week’s love or not to love :) I appreciate you as always, and you can follow me on Instagram megsgumis for some more fun and yum content. As always Bisous x Megumi